Modern and Youth Issues

How can stop my mind from being troubled by sexual thoughts?

Lust is one the five thieves which robs us of the ‘Amrit’ (spiritual life) inside of us. Lust or uncontrolled sexual desire is one of the five evils that Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji warns us about time and time again. Out of the five vices (lust, anger, greed, attachment, and pride), lust affects us the most because we are born from lust.

Gurbani guides us that although a Sikh does not have sex or intimacy outside of marriage, one must also be cautious and mindful of controlling our sexual organs:

ਇਸੁ ਤਨ ਮਨ ਮਧੇ ਮਦਨ ਚੋਰ ॥ ਜਿਨਿ ਗਿਆਨ ਰਤਨੁ ਹਿਰਿ ਲੀਨ ਮੋਰ ॥ ਮੈ ਅਨਾਥੁ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕਹਉ ਕਾਹਿ ॥ ਕੋ ਕੋ ਨ ਬਿਗੂਤੋ ਮੈ ਕੋ ਆਹਿ ॥੧॥
“(As a consequence of my fickle mind, now) within the body and mind are thieves like sexual desire, which has stolen my jewel of spiritual wisdom. I am a poor orphan, O God; unto whom should I complain? Who has not been ruined by sexual desire? What am I? ||1||”
(Ang 1194)

ARDAAS

One should daily pray for Guru Ji to give strength to overcome the five vices.

ਗਉੜੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
ਰਾਖੁ ਪਿਤਾ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਮੇਰੇ ॥
ਮੋਹਿ ਨਿਰਗੁਨੁ ਸਭ ਗੁਨ ਤੇਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਪੰਚ ਬਿਖਾਦੀ ਏਕੁ ਗਰੀਬਾ ਰਾਖਹੁ ਰਾਖਨਹਾਰੇ ॥
ਖੇਦੁ ਕਰਹਿ ਅਰੁ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਸੰਤਾਵਹਿ ਆਇਓ ਸਰਨਿ ਤੁਹਾਰੇ ॥੧॥
ਕਰਿ ਕਰਿ ਹਾਰਿਓ ਅਨਿਕ ਬਹੁ ਭਾਤੀ ਛੋਡਹਿ ਕਤਹੂੰ ਨਾਹੀ ॥
ਏਕ ਬਾਤ ਸੁਨਿ ਤਾਕੀ ਓਟਾ ਸਾਧਸੰਗਿ ਮਿਟਿ ਜਾਹੀ ॥੨॥
ਕਰਿ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਸੰਤ ਮਿਲੇ ਮੋਹਿ ਤਿਨ ਤੇ ਧੀਰਜੁ ਪਾਇਆ ॥
ਸੰਤੀ ਮੰਤੁ ਦੀਓ ਮੋਹਿ ਨਿਰਭਉ ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਬਦੁ ਕਮਾਇਆ ॥੩॥
ਜੀਤਿ ਲਏ ਓਇ ਮਹਾ ਬਿਖਾਦੀ ਸਹਜ ਸੁਹੇਲੀ ਬਾਣੀ ॥
ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਮਨਿ ਭਇਆ ਪਰਗਾਸਾ ਪਾਇਆ ਪਦੁ ਨਿਰਬਾਣੀ ॥੪॥੪॥੧੨੫॥
“Gauree, Fifth Mehl: Save me, O My Father God. I am worthless and without virtue; all virtues are Yours. ||1||Pause|| The five vicious thieves (lust, anger, greed, attachment and ego) are assaulting my poor being; save me, O Savior Lord! They are tormenting and torturing me. I have come, seeking Your Sanctuary. ||1|| Trying all sorts of things (to save myself from these five vicious thieves), I have grown weary, but still, they will not leave me alone. But I have heard that they can be rooted out, in the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy; and so I seek their Shelter. ||2|| In their Mercy, I have met Your Saints, and from them I have obtained satisfaction. The Saints have given me the Mantra which makes one Fearless (against the five vicious thieves), and now I practice the Word of the Guru’s Shabad in my life. ||3|| (As a result of the spiritual peace giving Bani) I have now conquered those terrible evil-doers, and my speech is now sweet and sublime. Says Nanak! (now) the Divine Light has dawned within my mind; I have obtained that state of Nirvaanaa where no desire can effect me. ||4||4||125||”
(Ang 205)

GURBANI: To overcome troubling sexual thoughts that robs the individual of peace of mind and consciousness, one has to replace the sexual thoughts with the Guru. The Guru is Gurbani (the Guru’s Word). To replace troubling sexual thoughts with the Guru, is to replace that space in the mind with Gurbani.Before going to sleep, one should recite Sohila Sahib and then recite and contemplate the following Shabad or any other Shabad relating to Kaam (lust):

ਸੁਧ ਜਬ ਤੇ ਹਮ ਧਰੀ ਬਚਨ ਗੁਰ ਦਏ ਹਮਾਰੇ ॥
ਪੂਤ ਇਹੈ ਪ੍ਰਨ ਤੋਹਿ ਪ੍ਰਾਨ ਜਬ ਲਗ ਘਟ ਥਾਰੇ ॥
ਨਿਜ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਸੰਗ ਨੇਹ ਤੁਮ ਨਿੱਤ ਬਢੈਯਹੁ ॥
ਪਰਨਾਰੀ ਕੀ ਸੇਜ ਭੂਲਿ ਸੁਪਨੇ ਹੂੰ ਨ ਜੈਯਹੁ ॥੫੧॥
ਅਧਿਕ ਹਰੀਫੀ ਜਾਨਿ ਭੋਗ ਪਰਤ੍ਰਿਯਾ ਜੂ ਕਰਹੀ ॥
ਹੋ ਅੰਤ ਸ੍ਵਾਨ ਕੀ ਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਹਾਥ ਲੇਂਡੀ ਕੇ ਮਰਹੀ ॥53॥
suDh jab te ham Dharee, bachan gur de-e hamaare.
pooth eihai pran tohe praan jab lag ghatt thaare.
nij naaree ke sang neh tum nith baddheyo.
par-naaree kee sej bhool supbe hoo(n) na jeyeo.
aDhik hareefee jaan bhog par-triya joo karhee.
ho anth svaan kee mrith haath lendee ke marhee.
“When I came to a mature age my Guru told me; Son, remember these teachings for the rest of your life: Love and care for your wife daily, but never even in your dreams go into the bed of another woman. Those that have sexual relations with someone other than their spouse, they die the death of a dog.”
(Dasam Granth)

Whenever a sexual thought or desire comes in the mind, then within your mind repeat a Gurbani line relating to Kaam. Some possible suggestions:

ਪਰ ਤ੍ਰਿਅ ਰੂਪੁ ਨ ਪੇਖੈ ਨੇਤ੍ਰ ||
par triaa roop na pekhai netar.
“With your eyes never look another woman with lustful eyes.”
(Ang 273)

ਕਾਮੁ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਧਨੁ ਹਿਰੈ ||
kaam kroDh antar Dhan hirai.
“Sexual desire and anger steal the wealth of the self within.”
(Ang 351)

ਹੇ ਕਾਮੰ ਨਰਕ ਬਿਸ੍ਰਾਮੰ ਬਹੁ ਜੋਨੀ ਭ੍ਰਮਾਵਣਹ ||
he kaamun bisraamun bahu jonee
“O sexual desire, you lead the mortals to hell; you make them wander in reincarnation through countless species.”
(Ang 1358)

When reciting this Shabad within the mind, ensure that you clearly to pronounce each word and hear the words within your mind.

HOW YOU SLEEP: One should avoid sleeping on top of a soft blanket or any soft bedding. It is best to sleep on a cotton bed sheet spread over the mattress.

DIET (WHAT YOU EAT): Food not only nourishes the body, it affects the mind and consciousness as well. Food can be classified by the effect they have on the body and mind, into three types – saatav, raajas and taamas. Tamasic food is the kind of food which clouds our mind, promotes negative emotions, and makes us lethargic or sluggish. People with a predominantly taamsic gunn includes the characteristic of demonstrating sensory gratification and seeming almost to be entirely engaged in (or thinking about) eating, drinking, sleeping, sex or laziness. Taamsic food includes meat, fish, eggs, alcohol, tobacco, fried food, frozen food, stale foods, and soda.

ਬਾਬਾ ਹੋਰੁ ਖਾਣਾ ਖੁਸੀ ਖੁਆਰੁ ॥
ਜਿਤੁ ਖਾਧੈ ਤਨੁ ਪੀੜੀਐ ਮਨ ਮਹਿ ਚਲਹਿ ਵਿਕਾਰ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
“O Baba! The pleasures of other foods are false, by eating which, the body is ruined, and wickedness and corruption enters into the mind. ||1||Pause||”
(Ang 16)

Raajas food is that which brings about activity or restlessness. Whereas, Sattvic food is the kind which makes you feel light, energetic and enthusiastic. Raajas food includes coffee, black tea, onion, garlic, citrus fruits, very spicy foods, chocolate and salt.

Saatav foods include milk, rice, fresh sweet fruits, honey, fresh vegetables, nuts, and daal (lentils). Saatav foods are those included in the thirty-six types of food that Gurbani classifies as Amrit (life-giving) food. These are all lacto-vegetarian foods. Gurbani says:

ਜਿਹ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ਛਤੀਹ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਖਾਹਿ ||
ਤਿਸੁ ਠਾਕੁਰ ਕਉ ਰਖੁ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ||
“By His Grace, you partake of the thirty-six delicacies; enshrine that Lord and Master within your mind.”
(Ang 269)

The basic nature of the mind is creative or saatas, with just enough raajas and tamaas to bring desires to fruition. That means that the base of our diet should be a lacto-vegetarian, consisting of fresh or freshly prepared grains, vegetables and fruits, nuts, seeds, beans, milk, ghee and butter in moderation, cold pressed oils and natural sweeteners.

For this reason anyone struggling with sexual thoughts and urges to masturbate should avoid all fish, egg, meat, very spicy food, foods that contain lots of masala, and junk food.

DIET (WHO YOU EAT FROM): The state of the mind and level of spirituality of the person cooking has a substantial impact on one’s state of mind and consciousness. On one level this can be that while cooking food the mind remains forever engrossed in loving devotion so that the consumed food has the effect of gearing the mind towards divine consciousness. In Rehatname, Sikhs are advised not to eat from those who do not have any spiritual discipline as the lax of such a person influences others in the same way as their own mind is inclined. Eating food from people who have little spiritual discipline and indulge in listening to lustful music, lustful television, and lustful conversations or lustful thoughts will impact us.

ਜਾਕੀ ਰਹਿਤ ਨ ਜਾਣੀਐ ਗੁਰਮੰਤ੍ਰ ਨਹੀ ਚੀਤ ||
ਉਨਕਾ ਭੋਜਨ ਖਾਇਕੈ ਬਿਸਰਹਿ ਹਰਿ ਸਿਉ ਪ੍ਰੀਤ ||
“One who has no Rehit (discipline) and does not meditate on the Gurmantar (given by the Panj Pyaare when one receives khande-di-pahul); If you eat their food, you will loose the love for God.”
(Rehitnama Bhai Chaupa Singh)

ਸੰਤਨ ਕਾ ਦਾਨਾ ਰੂਖਾ ਸੋ ਸਰਬ ਨਿਧਾਨ ||
ਗ੍ਰਿਹਿ ਸਾਕਤ ਛਤੀਹ ਪ੍ਰਕਾਰ ਤੇ ਬਿਖੂ ਸਮਾਨ ||੨||
“The dry bread of the Saints is equal to all treasures. The thirty-six tasty dishes of the faithless cynic are just like poison.”
(Ang 811)

ਨੜੀ ਮਾਰ, ਸਿਰ ਗੁੰਮ, ਕੁੜੀ-ਮਾਰ ਨਾਲ, ਰੋਟੀ ਬੇਟੀ ਦਾ ਨਾਤਾ ਨਹੀਂ ਰੱਖਣਾ |
“Those who consume any intoxicant, cut their hair, or those who kill their baby-daughters – do not keep the relationship of eating from food from them or marriage with them.”
(Rehitnama Bhai Nand Lal Singh Ji)

SANGAT (COMPANY): Good and bad company affects our mind and thoughts. One should keep company of Gursikhs as much as you can. Company is not limited to people, one should ensure the eyes do sangat of positive things and avoid viewing anything that provokes lust or sexual feelings or thoughts. One should ensure that the ears do sangat of positive things and avoid hearing anything that provokes sexual feelings or thoughts. For this reason one should only watch educational or religions programmes on TV, use the Internet for work, education or learning about Sikhi, and listen to Keertan or religious songs only.

ਕਬੀਰ ਮਨੁ ਪੰਖੀ ਭਇਓ ਉਡਿ ਉਡਿ ਦਹ ਦਿਸ ਜਾਇ ||
ਜੋ ਜੈਸੀ ਸੰਗਤਿ ਮਿਲੈ ਸੋ ਤੈਸੋ ਫਲੁ ਖਾਇ ||੮੬||
“O Kabeer! The mind has become a bird; it soars and flies in the ten directions. According to the company it keeps, so are the fruits it eats.”
(Ang 1369)

The mind is charioteer and the horses are the sensory organs. When the sensory organs start taking control and the charioteer loses control then there is trouble.